Winding Down the Darkest Path

A year ago, today, I knew the end was near.  Suzy could hardly walk and slept most of the time.  Although I helped, no, lifted her in and out of the house in her Royal Blue saddle sling, it took more effort on each of our parts than we had continual strength to bear.  We were both caving.


Suzy, physically.  Me, emotionally.  Darkness was looming at our door, and we both knew it.  Although we didn't know for sure the exact day it would occur, we knew it would be soon.  And, even though I took her to an accupuncturist, a masseuse, a water therapist and two other vets, nothing worked, anymore.  Her vital organs were shutting down. She was almost 14 years old times 7 or 98 in people years. 


How fast the time flew by.  Guess it always does when you're having fun, and I had nothing but good times whenever I was with Suzy.  Her lightness of being transfused any down or uncertain moods I might've had; her gaity, freshness and effervescent outlook on life constantly recharged my spirits.  Any sad memories of my divorce, loss of friends, family or other heart-aches were transformed by her halo of happiness.  For, Suzy could lift me out of the dolldrums faster and better than anyone in the world.


She was my fountain of youth, my shining star, my harbor of hope, my sweet elixir of delight each and every moment we were together.  She gave me strength when I felt weary, made me feel safe and protected at evey turn.  She bolstered my courage and made me feel like I mattered.  We were a team, a tandem of togetherness bar-none.


As the hours slipped away and the days grew shorter, I agonized over life without Suzy and felt bereft way before the final hours.  For, I knew her absence would be felt by every fiber of my being, and a big part of me didn't want to go on without her.  Yet, I knew I had to, that she would want me to, not only go on living, but be happy.  For she taught me that, in the end, only love is important.  Only that magic we come into the world knowing and, if we're lucky, leave feeling.


Held, cherished and embraced by and from Suzy, I will carry that feeling with me for as long as I live.  My finest teacher, Suzy taught me life-lessons that couldn't be learned from books.  Only through her sterling examples of trust, frienship and honesty did I come to respect the honor that was hers and recognize the beliefs and hope that she instilled in me. 


Two days before our final farewell, I was dying and she was living and, true to form, telling me, in her own way, to release her.  Even in her darkest hours she was able to illuminate  my path of struggles to let her go.  She taught me the meaning of life and, in the end, the meaning of death.  And, above all, the meaning of love.