Fickle Friday

What a week.  Been under-the-weather for the most part.  Physically and emotionally.  Just how it goes.  My sister was in for 3 days but we just talked by phone in our usual snitches and snatches while Mom was in the bathroom or otherwise indisposed.  Was okay 'cause my throat was so sore I couldn't really talk.  Still, felt somewhat detached.  Just what I'm not in the mood for these days. . .


Best friend went to a James Taylor/Carole King concert last night that I would've loved to have gone go to, but it was about 2 hours away, in Pontiac.  She told me she and her husband went after they got home.  Said it was absolutely fantastic.  I'll bet.  (Would've been nice if they'd invited me along---even just for the ride!)


Then, there's the issue of my delightful Smilebox musical medley of the NY trip.  All 211 slides carefully edited and set to music with original captions on each pic.  I'd sent it to a number of friends, hoping they'd enjoy it and comment likewise.  Instead, I got back dribbles and drabbles of pure drivel.  One liners like "This is fun."  Or, "now I've seen more of NY than when I wen there."  Nice but, c'mon. . . .when someone puts over 2 weeks of hard labor into a whimsical musical production, I think more than throw-away one-liners are in order, don't you?


Am I overly-sensitive or what?  Do I expect more from humans than they rightly (or wrongly) are able to give?  Am I just lonely?  Like all the time?  Makes one wonder. . .


And then, to cap off the week of slights. . . I was supposed to be interviewed for a short TV news segment yesterday.  It was about my call for action on a laptop that went black on me less than 2 years after I'd bought it for $1100.  Yeah.  So the reporter was supposed to come to my house and interview me on my deck.  I spent the better part of 3 days planting annuals, sweeping porches and paths, cleaning the whole house (in case it rained and we had to come in) and getting myself gussied up and ready for my 15 seconds of fame.


All to no avial.  For, he called minutes before he was due here, to say his video crew had been sent on another assignment and siad he'd get back in touch next week sometime.  That's show biz! 


Such is life this week.  Time to go to garage sales.  Hope there's a pot-o-gold at the end of some rainbow!

BEST THING THAT HAPPENED ALL WEEK:
THIS PHOTO OF HONEY

Monday Musings

Still down with a cold.  Went to the Dr. last Friday and am on a few "herbal, homeopathic" remedies, but still feeling tired and have an ear ache.  Worried I might have fluid in the ear and how will it get out?  Don't want a big needle going down into my ear that' for sure.  So may need to see an ear, nose and throat specialist to see what other options I have.  But left side throat and ear hurts.  Hard to tolerate pain all alone.

Last week was a bust.  After hearing about Elly and Gambler (Rick Fallon's trust team of horses) going down in the pond, I could think of little else and kept visualizing these two mammoth steeds struggling for their lives in murky water with a carriage strapped to their backs.  And I just couldn't bear it but my mind kept reliving it over and over, again.  Why?  What is going on?  I mean subconsciously with me?  I wonder about thoughts like that and why I ruminate over and over, again.  Must be some inner fear or anxiety getting ahold of my psyche and not letting go.  I hope this week is calmer.

Part of the reason I think I have such fears is because I have no one to talk to on a daily basis.  Hard to take, live with, be alone so much.  Pets help to be sure, but we all need human contact from someone who loves us, too.  Last weekend I started planting all my annuals.  FLowers help to brighten out world and our spirits.  My darling Violettas, bright Petunias and Indigo Blue and White miniature Pansies lifted mine but took a lot of work to plant.  I felt exhausted and have 3 more flats to go!

But they were company for a sunny Sunday and provided light and lively companionship in the garden.  Today I'll finish up planting and shall then have all summer to spend with my spritley companions.  Sweetie Sue and the kits ever nearby, ever happy, contented and fine.

Rainy Tuesday

Two weeks ago I was in New York City celebrating my birthday.  It was sunny and warm, so much so, that I kept changing into my t-shirt and shorts & feeling like summer had arrived.  Now, it's rainy and cold, I have a sore throat and just learned of 3 deaths---2 horses and Bill Remley, the founder of Walnut Hill. 

My mood has changed.  Two weeks ago it was light and lively.  Today, dark and dreary.  And so it goes.  Buddhists say life is like passing clouds:  they come and go.  Good times and bad.  We cling to the good and push away the bad.  But we must receive all.  The highs and lows.  The smiles and tears.  The light and dark.  Life and death.

Yet, as human beings, we yearn for safety and security, harmony and balance.  With the fast-paced life everyone seems intent on leading and the horrific headlines that imprint practically every newspaper still fortunate enough to be in print, it's no wonder we feel shaky. And often depressed.

Our souls need to feel firmly rooted, our psyches need love. We are all fragile beings in search of family, friends & peace.  Yet how many of us have a daily dose of all these necessities? To have and to hold, each and every day?  To feel love and loved by?  To hang with and feel our authentic selves?  To just BE.

As I write this, I am surrounded by furry felines.  Relaxed and responsive.  Ready to move when I do.  Ready to love and be loved.  Ready to engage and respond.  Ready.  Willing.  And able.  They are my lifeline and my true north.  They are with me when the sun rises and by my side as the moon glows.  Forever loyal, always true.  My anchors, my loves, my shining stars, my gurus.

What would people do without their pets?  I, for one, would be much less happy and healthy.
Much more despondent.  Much less hopeful or joyful or confident.  My life would be much more frazzled and fuzzy.  Insecure and worrisome.  My kits and Sweetie Sue provide so much life and love that it's unimaginable to see myself living without them.  

So when it rains, and I'm in bed with a sore throat and grief over 3 recent losses, I look around and see passing clouds in the shapes of cats and dogs--floating over my house, past my windows and know that everything is impermanent and fleeting.  But for this moment, at this time, in this space, I reach out and stroke my kitties and feel safe. 

We are all passengers on floating clouds. . .

What a Difference a Week (and Two Years) Makes

Loneliness is the absence of the other;

Aloneness is the presence of one's self.

--Osho

Recently, I saw this quote and resonated with it because it gives dignity back to the one who is alone--whether by choice or circumstances.  The latter in my case.

Last week I returned from my wonderful week in New York, then came down with a sore throat, thereby, dictating that I drink lots of hot tea with honey and lay low.  Yet, I attended a horse-drawn carriage event, over the weekend, where I learned two most distressing bits of information.

Two years ago, in August and then in October, I went to two different horse events and enjoyed myself completely.  The first was in Pittsford, NY outside of Rochester, the largest carriage show in the country:  Walnut Hill. 

There I met the founder, Bill Remley, and enjoyed three days of fancy carriages of all types, sizes and styles parading around Mr. Remley's home-arena to live organ music!  So winsome, so charming!  It was one of the most memorable events I've ever attended.  Before going, I'd called Bill to ask where I might stay.  He recommended the Canal Lamp Inn, a delightful bed and breakfast place overlooking the Eerie Canal where I enjoyed a super comfy room.

Yesterday I found out that Bill Remley suddenly died two weeks ago.  At age 70.  Walnut Hill will never be the same.

Then, in October, 2008 I went to Vermont to see the beautiful fall foliage and visited Rick Fallon, in Windsor.  He has one of the country's largest carriage barns with a wide array of 2 and 4-wheel carts and carriages.  From commercial milk wagons to pony carts to fancy ladies phaetons, Rick has many historic and perfectly restored antique & modern-day horse drawn vehicles, and I was aglow with delight and wonder as I wandered through his barns.

After which I asked if he would take me for a carriage ride o'er hill and dale in the gently sloping hills of Vermont.  He agreed & took me for one of the most memorable carriage rides I've ever experienced.  He used two strong, steady steeds.  Gorgeous animals, so sweet, so secure, so willing. They pulled Rick's marathon carriage so beautifully, so smoothly.  Down the road, up & down hills, through the woods. Surefooted every step of the way, I entrusted my life to their hoofs, and they never let me down, for it was totally magical!

Two days ago, I learned that those beautiful horses had a freak accident last August when one's bridle slipped off as they were being unhitched, causing them to panic, run out the barn, down a hill, turn to the right and fall into a pond--with the large carriage still hitched to their backs.  Struggle as they might, they ended up being pulled down under by the weight of the carriage and both drowned!

Upon hearing this, I went into shock and grief, as I had been transported (literally and figuratively) by these two amazing creatures.  I'd fed them carrots and apples after the ride, petted and kissed them in deep appreciation and thanks for carrying us safely o'er hills and forests.  Now, this is my tribute to them, the photos we took that day.  To commemorate the wonder and joy of these two magnificent gentle giants.  And my love for them both.

I am devestated.  I feel alone knowing these two are gone.  Plus, Bill Remley.  Loneliness is the absence of the other.  And, in my aloneness, I feel the presence of my own grief and loss; feel the presence of my Self.   My own incredibly sad, sad Self.

YOU SHALL BE FOREVER REMEMBERED IN MY HEART. . .

New York Trip

Last week I went to New York City to celebrate my birthday and, boy, did I ever--in style!  First, I went for a carriage ride through Central Park followed by a visit to the darling Central Park Zoo.  However, it started raining so I had to leave before seeing all the animals.

Next, my sister and I went to Ouest, a fancy restaurant on the upper west side.  There, I had salmon over mashed potatoes and a fabulous salad with crispy dark greens, juicy tomatoes and parmisagn cheese.  Yummy!  Plus the atmosphere was dark and intimate and oh, so fine.  Just what you'd expect a classy New York restaurant to be like--with mood music softly serenading us in the background.  My friend, Brian, met us and helped make my birthday extra special.

Then we went back to our fancy hotel where we'd gotten a nice upgrade to a 10th floor corner suite.  Everything was perfect.  Our down-filled beds were soft and fluffy, and it felt like we were sleeping on a cloud.  Our sitting room was relaxing and cozy and bathroom clean and modern.  All in all, a most comfy place to rest and rejuvenate on our trip.

The next morning we headed for The Bronx Zoo and had the train all to ourselves.  We saw many interesting exhibits and animals and rode both the tram and monorail.  Very lush, nicely laid out and huge.  When we got back, we quickly changed and headed to see the Broadway play, "Promises, Promises" with Kristen Chenowith, Sean Hayes &Tony Goldwyn.  Very well done and so entertaining!

Back to our plush hotel for a good night's sleep.  The next morning we headed for Pier 83 and the 3-hour Circle Line Cruise.  Fantastic!  A must-see for anyone visiting NYC.  Our narrator was THE BEST and gave us a history lesson about NY and the 5 burroughs.  We saw so much and enjoyed sunny skies and balmy temperatures.  Perfect weather for a cruise around Manhattan.

After which we parted Bonnie went to Penn Station to catch a train back to Philly, & I headed headed to the lower east side and my bed and breakfast with Lois. She'd had guests the past 4 nights and was tired so, being almost 80, she needed to go back to her own bed.  Thereby, giving me this tiny, thin cot.  UGH!  I didn't sleep very well, but what could I do or say?  I guess that was one of the few downers of the trip.

But we went to the Staten Island Zoo the next day and enjoyed ourselves on the boat, again, a sunny, balmy clear day, and then made dinner (salmon) back at her apt.  All in all, a most enjoyable trip!  Even met 2 of my Flickr friends---Rich and Gail.

My Birthday Shared With Others

To love deeply in one direction makes

us more loving in all others.

~Anne Sophie Swetchine

Before I go on to talk about my trip to New York and, believe me, it was fabulous, I'll list a few others who share my May 3rd birthday:

It's the 91st birthday of folk singer Pete Seeger, born in New York City (1919). The first time he heard the sound of a banjo at the Folk Song and Dance Festival in Asheville, North Carolina, he fell in love with folk music. He dropped out of Harvard and rode the rails across America in the middle of the Great Depression.

When he heard about the collection of folk music recordings at the Library of Congress, Seeger got a job as an assistant there, classifying records. He also spent much of his free time listening to those recordings. He eventually began to tag along with Alan Lomax on expeditions around the country to record folk songs. And then, in 1940, Lomax introduced Seeger to an up-and-coming folk singer named Woody Guthrie. Guthrie invited Seeger to go on the road with him, and they began traveling around, putting on impromptu performances in migrant labor camps and entertaining striking workers in the oil fields of Oklahoma. They became increasingly controversial because they wrote anti-war songs at a time when the country was gearing up to get involved in World War II.


It's the birthday of Niccolò Machiavelli, (books by this author) born in Florence, Italy (1469). He got into politics after Florence formed a semi-democratic government. By the time he was 30, he became the secretary to Florence's governing council, which meant he was the most influential bureaucrat in the city.


It's the birthday of the poet, essayist and novelist May Sarton, (books by this author) born in Wondelgem, Belgium (1912). She spent eight years during the Great Depression struggling to become an actress, and then her theater company went out of business.


She went on to write many books of poetry, as well as many novels, but none of her books were best-sellers, and none got much attention. Then in 1965, she published her novel Mrs. Stevens Hears the Mermaids Singing (1965), the story of an elderly lesbian poet looking back on her life. She developed a huge cult following.


1898 - Golda Meir, [Meyerson], Kiev Ukraine, 4th Israeli PM (1969-74)
1903 - Bing Crosby, Tacoma Wash, singer (White Christmas, Going My Way)
1906 - Mary Astor, Quincy IL, actress (Maltese Falcon, Dinky)
1907 - Earl Wilson, Rockford Ohio, columnist (Midnight Earl)
1917 - Betty Comden, American lyricist (d. 2006)
1936 - Engelbert Humperdinck, [Arnolde Dorsey], India, singer (EH Show)


1937 - Frankie Valli, [Castelluccio], Newark NJ, singer (Four Seasons-Sherry)
1947 - Doug Henning, Ft Garry Manitoba, magician (Broadway play-Magic)
1951 - Christopher Cross, [Geppert], Texas, singer (Sailing, Arthur's Theme)
1974 - Princess Haya bint Hussein of Jordan

Pretty good company, huh?

Creation and My Birthday

Creation

God could have created the universe in a second

Just by issuing the simple order "Be!"

Why, then, did He prolong Creation over six days,

Each one of which equaled a thousand years?

Why does the formation of a child need nine months?

Gradual action is characteristic of the King.

Why did the creation of Adam take forty days?

God perfected his clay by slow, perfect degrees.

Not like you, crazy one, rushing everything always.

- Jalal-ud-Din Rumi

Tomorrow I will be another year older.  And, wiser?  One can only hope.  I'll be leaving for 5 days in NYC.  Meeting Bonnie there to "do the town!"  We'll start out at Central Park Zoo, take a carriage ride then wind up at a nice restaurant and meet one of my Flickr friends who's a waiter, and will be serving us, there.  Should be a fun week.

In looking back on my life, I see joy and sorrow.  Good choices and bad.  Sad.  Mad.  A potporri of ups and downs.  Some accidental.  Some of my own volition.  Is my life on a par with most everyone else's, I wonder?  In terms of losses and gains, happiness and regrets?  Sometimes I think more of the latter.  But, then, I think of all the people who lost their lives in 9/11 or car accidents, illnesses, life tragedies and random disasters.  Then, I sigh, and feel I'm probably more fortunate than not, have experienced my share of good luck and need to look at the glass as being half full rather than half empty.

My biggest wellspring of love and all that's light, bright and just right are, of course, my darling pets:  Sweetie Sue and the kits bring me daily doses of health and well-being, delight and disarming joy.  I shall miss them all when I go to New York tomorrow but know they'll all be waiting for me, with open paws and hearts, upon my return.  And, what a boost that is!

We need these pick-me-uppers.  To heal and comfort, charm and cherish.  So, amdist the weeds of my life there are gardens of flowers, fresh fragrances, beautiful buds.  Ah, Springtime. . . .  it is here.  It is now.