Coming Up for Air

One can actively mourn for just so long.  For the past 6 weeks I've been deluged with grief.  First, by Suzy's collapse, on July 24th, and inability to walk on her own.  Then, from taking her to many doctors hoping, searching, praying, pleading with God, for some pill, procedure or prestodigitation that would zap her back to health.  No such luck.


On August 18th the light went out of Suzy's eyes.  Forever.  She told me she could no longer live.  She'd stopped eating and drinking days before.  Now, it was up to me. To understand her pleas and let her go.  I finally did and haven't been the same since.  For she was my light and love.  My shining star.  My all.


Since that day I've thought of little else.  Wandered the house like the hungry ghost I was.  Reminiscing, over and over again, about our life and times together. And crying.  Lots of tears for lots of happy years.


Which is worse:  not having a good relationship and feeling lonely or having a fantastic relationship with a wonderful pup (or person) then losing it forever and feeling like this?  As Shakespeare said:  'tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.  Amen.